Being deliberate about how I show up

I want to bring my whole self to my work. That’s when I’m at my best—when I’m fully present and engaged.

But I often need to be reminded that work can’t be one’s whole self.

At the end of 2023, I was starting to feel run-down. And my team was noticing. I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t fun. I was curt and short. I wasn’t making time for pleasantries in meetings (some of you might think this isn’t a problem, but on a hybrid team, these little moments of social interaction are critical).

I was so focused on the work that I wasn’t focused on much else. And not for the first time. I recognized what was happening to me.

I had a health scare in 2019. My blood pressure was off the chart. My doctor told me I needed to stop doing everything fun. You know: no beer, no salt, no smoking. Just clean eating and exercise. It scared the hell out of me, but it was an incredible catalyst to get my shit together.

But it’s easy for me to slide back into what’s comfortable or easy (even though in hindsight it’s neither of those things). 2021 rolled around, and I was back on the unhealthy rollercoaster. My dad was sick with terminal cancer, I was volunteering for the Sohi for Mayor campaign, and then we followed the campaign by launching Adverb. I was focusing on work to avoid feelings of helplessness and despair. Because when everything was spinning out of control, at least I could control my work.

I eschewed physical activity and looking after myself. But this year, over the holiday break, I realized I can’t do that anymore.

In order to be a good leader to my team—to show up and bring my whole self to work—I actually need to focus on myself.

So I started to move my body more, every day. I’m paying closer attention to my physical feelings and my emotions. And I’m meditating more often, especially when I feel dysregulated—or just not like myself.

What I’ve learned is that it’s important to be gentle with myself. Sometimes, I choose a glass of wine over a trip to the gym. That’s OK. Have you tried wine? It’s fantastic.

I’m not here pursuing perfection. I’m just trying to introduce habits that make me feel better—and make me downright pleasant to be around.

I haven’t been at this long, but here’s what I know: when I workout, meditate, eat well and water myself, I’m a better leader. I show up for my team with enthusiasm, focus and energy. And I just FEEL better about myself, my life, and my future.

This might not be an epiphany for most of you. Or maybe it’s exactly what you needed to hear. Because it’s been life-changing for me. I’m working on different parts of myself so that my whole self can be present for my team—and I’m more than just the work I do.